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My Hajj Blogg 2018
-By Hajj Mohammed X

In the name of Allah (SWT) the most beneficent and most merciful.

This blog is my travel and journey through the holy land in order for me to fulfil one of the five pillars of Islam. The experiences are my experiences and should be read with subjectivity. This is in no way, shape form or manner a deterrent from you performing Hajj. In fact, I strongly recommend that you perform the Hajj as soon as you can. There is no such achievement a muslim can achieve then performing Hajj. Allah (SWT) elevates your status and Imaan, it is now your job to preserve and maintain what Allah has provided you with.

A quick mention to Shah Bhai (Zaytun Travels) who never got a mention in the blog. Your support did not get unoticed. May Allah (SWT) Reward you for your help and support.

I want to thank my mother. Who I owe my life to. Without my mum this Hajj would have never come in to fruition. Both myself and mother have hugely benefited from this journey of a lifetime!!

29 November 2018
Alhamdulillah it’s been three months since I have come back from Hajj. There is not one day that I don’t think about my Hajj experience. Each and every day was special and it provided me with something new.

The physical hajj was performed five days but the real hajj started when I landed back at Heathrow Airport. There have been many obstacles and challenges that I have faced since I have arrived. But with my sincere belief in Allah (SWT), I have been doing my level best to deal with these obstacles in the most appropriate way without engaging in fitna. It’s not always easy but when has life ever been easy.
The two things which I have taken back from my Hajj; Never have expectation and every day is a happy day. I will break this down for you so that it makes sense.

Never have expectation:
In life we all fall in to the trap of setting up expectation and when those expectations are shattered, we lose hope and as a result we become bitter. Whether it is at home, work, friends, social life or with family. Just remember the good that you do is written by Allah (SWT), and when you do that good, you do it for the sake Allah (SWT), never expect your efforts to be reciprocated back. If, they do return the efforts, consider it a bonus and a blessing from Allah (SWT).

With the greatest of respect’s, you will find this more with your family members. Since my father left my house, majority of my family members have made very little effort to visit my house or see if am dead or alive. I grew frustrated and I then chose to isolate myself from the family. When I visit my family now, I visit them to maintain family ties, but I have no expectation for them to fulfill the same. Their deeds are left with Allah (SWT) and so are mine.

Muslims are also told to worship God and be good to parents and the relatives – Surah An Nisah (4:36)

Be Happy:
Happiness is a cure to physical and mental illness. Being positive and avoiding negativity is crucial to our existence. If, you are not in control of a situation, you should never work yourself up to the extent where you start losing sleep over it. People are normally controlled by things in which they have no control over. They grow frustrated and the rest takes over. I have fallen victim of this throughout my life; Allah ordains everything in your life, all you can do is pray and be happy for whatever Allah provides you with. Equally, you have to ‘tie your camel’ and you have to work for everything, but essentially, whatever Allah (SWT) has in store for you, is nothing that you can’t handle. Pray and have Qadr with whatever Allah (SWT) provides you with.

El Hajj:
In terms of going forward. I have a title in which Allah has blessed me with, El Hajj. The title ‘El Hajj’ is not a just a glorified title. In every sense of that title, I have to live up to the responsibility for the rest of my life. I would encourage my family and friends to remind me of my title if I sway as a human being. Like any human, I am flawed, however; I do wish to ponder and reflect so that I can improve, day by day. Ultimately, we should always achieve something new each day.

Swearing:
One of my biggest weaknesses was swearing. Majority of us are guilty of swearing. Allah (SWT) does not like those who use profanities. I promised myself during my Jamarat trips that I would reduce the use of foul language and profanities. By the grace of Allah (SWT) my swearing has been reduced and I have reaped the benefits as my souls feels lighter

Reading:
As humans, we have no right to stay ignorant. If you have the time to read Facebook or Instagram meme’s then we have no reason for not keeping ourselves informed. Reading is the cure to ignorance and we should make a conscious effort of keeping ourselves informed. The first verses which were revealed to our beloved prophet Muhammad (Pbuh), was Iqra (read). We should all be encouraged, to read the Quran and Hadith and literature that will be of benefit to us. *From both Muslims and non-Muslims bretherin.

The purpose of this journey was not to strip the engine but to add to the areas which required me to grow. Striking the right balance between deen and dunya is key. I wish to do so going forwards in my journey. Forever how long it last.

Day 1 (7 August 2018):
Finally, boarded the plane.
The last 24 hours have provided me with some numb moments. Moments in which I have found it difficult to contain myself. Whilst there is meant to be an overwhelming feeling of joy and happiness; there is an emptiness which lingers with me and it has not been easy to shake off.

The root cause of my emptiness is factored by a couple of issues. Firstly, the fear of my Hajj not being accepted by Allah (SWT) always dawns on me; Secondly, having my Mother travelling with me is always concern for a few reasons (which I will mention in a separate paragraph); Thirdly, leaving my sister (Yaz) on her own during this time was not the most ideal situation. In all honesty, the last nine years, have provided many down’s rather than up’s.

Nevertheless, the Hajj journey is one of the most challenging but yet most rewarding that a Muslim will experience in his lifetime. What I do often remind myself, is that Allah has yet again bestowed his mercy upon me and my mother and invited us back to his sanctuary again. I also will be following in the footsteps of our greatest example to mankind, Muhammad (PBUH).

Malcolm X’s journey to the sacred land was one of the most insightful descriptions that I have read of the holy pilgrimage to Mecca. I often gain a high degree of inspiration from Malcolm’s life and his experiences. He will be in the back of my mind whilst am performing my Hajj.
Parents:

I wish not to dwell on this matter for too long, however, I have a degree of frustration that I try to contain because of people very close to me. I know these individual’s love me unconditionally, however, their decision-making, has driven me crazy at times and I have not managed to fully shake these frustrations off.

In terms of Hajj, my main concern is mums health. Am sure she will be fine; however, the concerns are always there. You often hear of these ‘near death’ hajj experiences.

My Hajj experience is not one in which I set myself the expectation to change overnight and neither would I prefer to do that. I believe change should be organic. Although, there is one characteristic, I wish Allah (SWT) will bestow upon me and that is emotional intelligence. I believe emotional intelligence is something I could really  strengthen. I really commend those who can master their emotions and abstain from unnecessary drama. Madame Nilly, is a lady that I really respect, in terms of someone mastering emotional intelligence.

In the absence of having no contact with my friends and family, this blog, will serve as my companion for the next three weeks. So, whoever takes the time to read this, you will be living my Hajj with me.

Landed at Medina airport @ 20:00 (Local time)
Typical middle-eastern weather, 30 degrees in the night, hot air, nothing can really prepare you for it, other than getting yourself out there. The weather is unforgiving only god knows what tomorrow will be like. After a 35-minute ride from the airport, we finally arrived. There it was in all its glory; Medina Al-Monowara, the mosque illuminated the sky with its bright lights and the famous green dome as it’s centre piece. I couldn’t help but creep a smile at this magnificent site.

Hotel is lovely but the WIFI is much to be desired for. Wifi in our room is restricted to the sitting area, which is a pain. I enjoy watching cartoons to help me sleep, I guess it’s a silent sleep tonight. Sob Sob.
We finally found our luggage at 1:30am. Bed time

Day 2 (8 August 2018)
Mum was meant to wake us up for Fajr at 4:30am, but yet we are praying Fajr at 6am. What a fantastic start to our spiritual journey of a life time. In all fairness we slept at 2:30am. After quickly praying Salah, strict instructions to mum, not to wake me up until breakfast is served, which is at 8 am in the Morning.

Surprise, Surprise. Mum has woken me up at least four to five times before 8am. Each time I was awoken; the worry and panic was felt in every breath taken. I forced myself up and we made our way down to the Breakfast place at 8:20am. Another surprise, we are the only ones, there.

Although very irritated by the lack of mother not listening to strict instructions, I managed to explain to her in a calm and collected voice that, sleep was essential to me; without sleep I would be able unable to operate, and without me being be physical/mentally able, she would be unable to do much. Hopefully, this explanation will be well received for the rest of our trip.

Just before Zuhr salah. I had a shower, sprayed and gelled my hair, put on my thobe, and embarked on my first day in the searing heat.

After praying salah. I made a start on my duas and I managed to cover mine and dads. This exercise had taken me up to Asr. Am not sure if there is a concern. How many sins do I have in respect to all my respected duas? Or is it just the case of me being a slow writer?

The Rawdah massacre (with-out the massacre):
After Magribh I decided to have a quick gander around the Al-Monowara masjid. I decided that I would visit the prophets grave and send my salutations. So far, this was not the wisest decision I made during this trip. Very quickly things turned nasty. To get to the prophet’s grave, you have to pass through the Rawdah (Strip of earth that will ascend to heaven on the day of judgement). They say praying on Rawdah is beneficial, however, it is not an obligation to pray on the Rawdah strip. Unfortunately, the masses, who are ill informed about the importance of the Rawdah, will do anything humanly possible to pray there. Quite often acts of violence, will erupt with; pushing, shoving, punches and kicks.

The issue with waiting in the Rawdah que, is that there are vast number of the Hujjaj who understand the importance of being cordial. The behavior of people in the Radwah strip is likened to that of Wilder Beast running in the Savanah. Am sure Attenborough’s voice-over would have been perfect at the particular stage.
*PLEASE do not feel deterred from visiting the Rawdah and praying 2 Nafl. Just be appropriate with your timings.
Not to get side-tracked. I was protecting a brother who was suffocated in the midst of the pandemonium which had broken out. Unfortunately, I couldn’t speak the same language as him, but It was written all over his face, that he was struggling whilst also being traumatized by the sheer idiocy of the violence surrounding him. My hand was crushed for a couple of seconds, with my body being dragged 5 meters without my will; one leg being stretched towards Makkah and the other to Riyadh. I sighed out of relief when I managed to get through the Rawdah.

Salam to the greatest!!!
I managed to give my Salam to the prophet (Pbuh) and his companions Umar and Abu Bakr (R.A). A very subdued moment where all emotions had run through me. The process lasted a couple of seconds and I quickly moved on. I didn’t want to humiliate myself by being physically assisted by the mosque security. Unfortunately, there are other pilgrims who tend to cry profusely at the foot-step of his tomb, whilst quickly having their senses being whacked in to them by the security staff.

Five years ago, I felt as though the security were a bit harsh in the way they dealt with pilgrims. In all honesty, they deal with this nonsensical behaviour on a day-to-day basis.

Dinner was ok. A buffet system. I ate a little and retreated upstairs to my room.
Mother has gone to the Rawdah. I am unable to go as am physically shattered plus am not allowed in the women’s section. I have given her strict instructions about ways in which she can ‘try’ to keep herself safe. I doubt she will listen, nevertheless, we live in hope.
Goodnight.

Day 3 (9 August 2018)
Tahajjud prayers at 4:24 am and the Mosque is still heaving, although, the weather was the calmest since I arrived in Saudia. I ended up staying in the haram until 6am in the Moving. Long sleeps are reminding me of a distant memory. We are due to meet at 8am sharp, as we are due to go for ziarat.

Breakfast was not great. Ziarat was bland, we literally saw the sites for 15 minutes, and made our way back to the coach. Our group leader, Abdul Zaman gave zero information about the ziarat sights. I was personally well read on the Ziarat sites, but there were some who really did not know much. I was quite shocked how laid back our group leader was about this. That lasted for two hours so I suppose it was good procrastination.

My own Ziarat in Medina and mission Ajwa (date) buying:
We arrived back for Zuhr. Considering that we were meant to leave for Makkah after Jummah (tommorow), I decided that it was very important that I had to buy dates and see a couple of local ziarat sights (Ali & Abu-Bakr R.A houses) and the place where Abu Bakr had taken baaya to become first caliph of the Islamic empire.

*The place of Abu Bakr’s (R.A) baaya is literally opposite nabawi masjid. The Saudi government have made the place a garden of peace; with loads of trees surrounding the garden, green grass, nicely trimmed bushes and a fountain fixated in the middle. Considering we are surrounded by desert, I found one of the Most peaceful and yet Most cool places in Medina.

I also had the chance to visit the area in which we resided in our previous visit to Medina in 2013. I realized how the surrounding areas of our previous hotel was relatively run-down compared to where we are currently residing. I noted there is a high degree of tranquility and peace which is immersed in this area. Am just hoping it’s not just nostalgia from our first stay.

I managed to also find the date bazaar. This bazaar is not usually found by tourist so I feel like this is a huge accomplishment on my behalf. Everyone else seems to be buying it in tourist hot-spots set at extortionate prices. I did try to suggest venturing slightly outside but I don’t think people have taken my suggestion seriously. I think because I look in a certain way, people tend to disregard me? Am not really bothered it’s just a running thought…

On the plus side, my Bengali connections, in any country that I visit, tends to always have its benefits. It was through my spoken Bengali which enabled me to find the date bazaar. My moto in life, if you have an asset, use it to the best of your ability, and you may reap the rewards.

Today has been a lonely day for me, knowing that we are not going Makkah until Saturday due to issues with ministry of Hajj, has set me back a little. As much as I love Medina, there really is nothing to do here, plus I have not really vibed with any of the group members yet.

A lot of the lads are from the same local area; a group of lads came with their mates and the others are accompanied by their fathers, so they have made their own group. *Please note, all the above individuals have all been extremely pleasant and polite. Having Baj here would have been great and she would have compensated for Most other companies. The miserable cow!!!

Plans for tomorrow:
Ever the optimist I decided to suggest an idea to mum. She was all on-board for the idea. We decided to visit the, hop on and hop off bus tour. Can you believe that!!! Medina has the world-famous bus tour company, but honestly, which tourist are they appealing to? There are only Muslim’s in this region. LMAO!!!
Am also tour guiding a Bengali family in our group. I will take them through my local Medina ziarat sites. They look enthusiastic and excited I also want to reciprocate the same energy. At least they will have a great memory of Medina.

Thought of the day:
Multiculturalism – We are unfortunately based 13 floors up, which means we are always the last to reach our rooms. From the ground floor to the 13th, we are surrounded in a confined space, with brothers and sisters from different parts of the world. From the white to black, brown to yellow, straight hair to afro. We are here united under one banner Color, culture, caste and creed take a back seat. Subhanallah, how lucky are we.

Day 4 (10 August 2018)
5:30am and I have been unable to pray Fajr in the mosque so we prayed in our rooms. Mum has managed to blame me, obviously, she is not accountable. Typical mum’s eh. On a side note, my mum’s panicky behaviour does really work me up. I have been doing well to control myself so far.

There is a slight tenseness at breakfast. I think we both have annoyed each other a bit we are both making a conscious effort not to let our tongues lash out. Small talk is currently working lol. I had taken it upon myself to be positive in this matter by suggesting that we must enquire a bit More about the city tour. Plus, it would be a Moment that both Mother and son would always cherish.

My gripe with my Mother on this matter, was that she never did enough to keep us stimulated. Both me and Yaz missed out on our youth, when it came to holidays and participating in fun activities, that young people normally do. Now that me and Yaz frequently go out, my mother is extremely keen to participate in all our outings.
We enquired about the city tour bus and both decided that we should read jumah and then venture out straight after Asr.

The gap in between the morning and jumah was spent visiting the outskirts of Jannatul Baki (apostles heavenly grave). There was a Bengali cleaner, who was extremely kind, he decided to show us where Uthman Ibn Affan (R.a) was buried and where Fatima (R.A) graves were. In that time, we saw a high volume of shia’s whaling at the grave and also enquiring about whether they could collect some mud from Fatima’s (r.a) grave. A bit of a stupid question which only required a similar response, considering we are in Salaf central.

As we were leaving, there was a growing number of Shia’s entering the Baki area. The police and army presence was increasing. With three or four indestructible riot transports being stationed just in case of any chaos.

Jummah to Asr, not much to report. Other than the fact that the Bengali family were joining us on the city tour to Madinah.

After Asr, we made our way to the Medina bus tour station (which is opposite the main gates of the Mosque). To our surprise the Bengali family had joined us. The tour was something different, both for the city and for me and my Mother. All the historical sights, are place we have already seen, but it was always nice to revisit.

From the last time I visited. I appreciated the sights more as I have done extensive research about the deen.

Arrange Marriage in Medina??
On our trip, there was a bunch of girls who used the tour bus. They were openly making eye contact through our first interaction. Obviously being in such a holy site, I subtly avoided eye contact, but she made herself known to me, by positioning herself in eye view of me. It was hard not to see her but I did abstain from looking. Long story short, she managed to sit with mum and decided to introduce herself. Before I knew it, she had taken selfies with mum and exchanged contact details and Snapchat. Snap!! My mum and Snap. Turns out she does actually have access to latest technology.

The Bengali family were making a joke of the situation. They were offering to buy dates for me so that we could progress with the nikkah, I laughed sheepishly and went along with the joke. Questions then circled about marriage, which am not going to bore you with.

After Magribh, we set out to the date market and I showed them a few ziarat sights close to the prophet’s Mosque. Qadeer the Bengali brother, a married man, with two kids who accompanied his Mother and wife. He had taken the opportunity to find the perfect time to provide me with marriage advice. Number one rule; your wife will never live with your Mother, so start planning a life without mum.

Qadeer is a good, sincere and light-hearted brother. However, his life story was very sad and his current situation is a constant battle between balancing two lives. I felt for him and his predicaments. I will make dua for Qadeer, another name in the dua book.

Tomorrow Makkah!!!